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Empress Theresa (Website)
In 2010, Norman Boutin created a website to promote Empress Theresa. Content: The strangest of all places about Empress Theresa is the Yahoo hosted webpage.http://empresstheresa.com/home It’s reminiscent of the days of “Time Cube” and looks like something someone built as they were just learning HTML or JAVA. Almost all of it is written in bold Times New Roman, varying chaotically in size and color. On the first page alone, Boutin used the colors brown, red, lime, dark green, blue, purple and dark pink to write. As well as being a long run of text that spans many pages of nonsensical ramblings about the many virtues of the book or ravings about his enemies. It bears a copyright of 2010, which most likely means that after it was originally built, he never touched the code for it again. This can easily be seen if one examines the JAVA source code. Where a large number of Dev-notes, the kind associated with demo or instruction code, can be found. Whether this is due to it being Yahoo stock code or something he incorporated has yet to be determined. It seems to have recently turned into a place where he can come and complain about how mean and horrible the internet is toward him. A safe-space where nobody can point out the obvious or contradict anything he says. Loves him some Jesus: The website, more than anywhere else, is where the book's very clear and obnoxious religious message can be seen. As literally the first sentence of the "Study Guide" begins with, "We're lost in this confusing world unless we follow the directions of its Maker." This, despite the constant denial of the author, is a rather obvious tip of the hat to a certain religion, especially since Mary Sue herself is so Catholic that even the pope thinks she should tone it down a bit. A large smattering of scripture is pasted about in many of the rantings, usually in the most annoying and condescending way possible. Such as when we hear about how Theresa is such a great gal, or why we all need to bend the knee to a higher power because we're weak simpletons. Style: The text of the site is crammed into a thin column at the center of the page. A column that cannot be adjusted in any way. There have been several hypotheses' postulated about why this is. It could be due to Norman using a computer built around the height of the Roman Empire and the resolution makes it look just fine to him. Since he seems to use Linux (Discovered during a scan of his IP address), that could also be causing a resolution problem. However, the most plausible reason to date, is that he's an incompetent know-it-all who can't do any better and thinks it looks just fine. As stated above, each page of the site is nothing more than a diatribe of multicolored, seizure-inducing nightmare-fuel. The poor man seems to add whatever thought entered his head that day without taking any note as to what font he's using. It ranges in size, color, and even type from paragraph to paragraph which makes it look more like a ransom letter than an author's informative website. The Crazy: In true Norman fashion, the site plays host to a variety of things. The oddest of which is a review of Empress Theresa... by the author... Norman Boutin... I kid you not.https://web.archive.org/web/20181202065714/http://www.empresstheresa.com/authors_review The page, and all the others, to be honest, is essentially a rant about how fantastic his work is and why anyone who doesn't think so is of the lower classes. a website update in late July or early August of 2019, the "Author's Review" page was removed. The link has been updated to an archived version, for posterity. It's chock full of his own made-up fantasy people praising each-other and the book. Not since the early days of Ron Jeremy, have we seen someone blow themselves with as much energy and non-subtlety as seen here. There is also a Study Guide,http://empresstheresa.com/study_guide for whatever reason, that is less of a guide and more of an example on how to weaponize stupidity. Time Cube, Reborn: On, or around, 18 December 2019, Norman added a new "page" titled GENIUS.http://empresstheresa.com/genius Which is written in the same, rambling, random style as the rest of the site. Although, not as colorful. Few can surmise as to why he thought this addition was necessary, since the rest of the site contains the same information. But it's an interesting throwback to 2005 when Gene entertained everyone with his own hilarious diatribes. He lists 15 "points", which are, to no-ones surprise, not properly formatted. Nor are they even complete. As of 4 January 2020, there are only five that have anything to back them up. Below is a quick summary of them... Point 1: The story is about a teenage girl just setting out to finding her place in the world. The flexibility and potential of youth define the future. This is illustrated in Theresa who changes the world with her firm moral compass and bravery. (The first half of this is fine, and could define almost every book ever written with a young protagonist. However, the last sentence is where the bullshit starts to spill out and stink up the place. Theresa's moral compass isn't very firm, mostly due to her character never actually being developed during the book. We are TOLD she is good and pure all the time while her actions show a different narrative. In fact the bit about her moral compass and bravery is not even an invention of the writer of the blurb, it was coopted by the writer after being written in by a vandal. Originally the blurb simply included the sentence "This is illustrated in Theresa who changes the world", which was later vandalized to also include "with her unstoppable comic book super powers firm moral compass and bravery". This was to mock the original writer for not telling the whole story, saying Theresa changes the world to make the character sound inspiring, but failing to also include that Theresa is able to do so because she has super powers that make any daunting task she faces a trivial issue for her to accomplish. Yes Theresa does change the world, but only because all logistics and opposition are take out of the equation for her.) Point 2: (Note: This section has an abundance of spacing and formatting issues, which is typical of his writing.) The bookstores are full of young adult novels, but most of them are about teenage problems, bad parenting, bullying, drugs, alcohol, bad friends, depression, and such personal problems, or they are about dystopian futures like The Hunger Games, or some such scifi. There are very few stories in which young people deal with a realistic adult world. I can think of Treasure Island, Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn, To Kill A Mockingbird, and that’s about all I’m aware of. Empress Theresa deals with issues in the adult world: the weather, food supply, oil supply, the Arab/Israel conflict, the North Korean dictatorship, and terrorism.' (Norman's age and ignorance is again on display here. He believes that most books are sold in physical bookstores. That, or he's using a general term, which may be the case. Either way, his ignorant snobbishness dances out amuse us all. Almost ALL comming of age stories deal woth issues in the adult world. That's literally the entire point, which he doesn't seem to understand.) Point 3: (Note: This section is formatted in multiple fonts and, of course, has spacing errors everywhere. And wonderful color!) Empress Theresa is fun to read. Most stories written today are too grim. Writers probably do this to make their stories look 'powerful'. Why would you read something that doesn't give you pleasure? Here are comments by Amazon five star reviewers: Robert Shuler's long review ends with the remark, "I say good work....let's have a sequel" Karrit wrote, "A gem of modern literature." Kevin Brown wrote, "Love this book." Non mess wrote, "To say I loved it would be an understatement." Joe Blow wrote, "It ought to be recipient of Best Novel by Hugo Awards." Iggy wrote, "Nice work, Norman Boutin. Keep up the good work. I enjoyed the story thoroughly."﻿ (Oh, it's fun to read alright, just not in the way he thinks. It can also be seen here that he lacks the ability to decern an ironic or trollish statement. As almost all of those "reviews" were made by trolls. Or sock accounts...) Point 4: Empress Theresa has an outstanding role model. Theresa is a wonderful girl. Amazon five star reviewer Non mess writes, ‘’Give empress theresq a try if you're seeking a good role model.’’ A mother who read the book with her nine yo daughter wrote. ‘’ My daughter's words.....I like Theresa. She is a nice girl and there are not many of those these days. I hope I am a good girl. I want to be good too.’’﻿ ' (He really loves waving around that "Non Mess" review.) Point 5: (Note: There's almost zero spacing between point four and five, making it hard to read. This is also in a different font, bold, and has different line spacing. Which was nightmare to try and fix in order to not have to type the entire thing out.) Empress Theresa has simplicity. The recent bestseller "The Girl With A Dragon Tattoo" according to the wikipedia article about the book has twenty-nine characters. Empress Theresa has only ten major speaking roles: Theresa and Steve Hartley, Jan Struthers, Father Donuoughty, Prime Minister Blair, Prime Minister Scherzer, President Stinson, and in the Parker mansion, Edmund and Helen Parker, and Arthur Bemming. Their relationships with each other and with Theresa are simple because they have no conflicting interests. They all want Theresa to succeed. Besides few characters Empress Theresa is simple in not requiring the reader to have knowledge of any career. Theresa never has a job. She is a student, and then she is technically speaking unemployed. References